Colors faded into D A R K N E S S

I used to be

Everytime I let them get the best of me,
I’m left like this.
My high expectations are breaking and breaking.
I should've know better than to do this to myself.
Again and again,
I put myself through the same things, repeatedly.
My confusion has gotten me lost in so many ways.
This used to be so easy for me.
I used to manage my pain in the simplest forms.
Now,
I errupt with emotion, and put everyone and everything in path,
In agony and worry.
Do you see this?
How much I've changed?
I’m not the quiet person I used to be.
No,
I want the attention, now.
I'm always needing more than I used to.
The hate I have for myself right now,
The intensity of a thousand dying stars, deep in the core of the universe.
I’m giving myself away,
Like free tickets to a fucking circus.
This is crazy, and I’m not liking a second of it.
I used to love flawlessly.
And now I love caustiously, because I’m terrified of being the broken mess that I’m used to being and seeing everyday.
Everything is changing now,
And I dont know whether to let go or hold on tight.
I’m going through this alone.
Just like before.
Before they saved my life and showed me how good life could be.

I want the before.
I hate the after.

Giving In

And I try to give in,
To all their fakes smiles,
To all their pitiful faces,
I'm not going anywhere.

-x-

So now, its become nessesary.
To feed off the lies,
To surrender - without even trying.
And they all think I'm fine.

They hear me.
Screaming at the top of my lungs.
This blade wont get the best of me;
The best of me doesnt exist.

I'm hanging by rugged strings;
I'm a puppet.
To dream of one day, cutting loose;
To one day run and say;
'I'm a run away puppet, baby!'
But never will that day come.

But for the moment,
Weakness has taken over.
Paralyzed, and broken,
I'll never recover.

XXX

Broken

Don't take me home.
I'm so tired of falling down...
These landings;
Theyre always so rough...

Times like this-
I'm just so sorry.
I can't be who you want me to be...
Was I ever enough,
For anything?

But I just want you to know who I am,
And what I am;

Is broken.